Another Person

I was chatting with a guy on Grindr that day. From his profile picture I knew he worked out at Quads Gym too. I woof’d him but he woof’d back next day when I was in the gym. I clicked on his profile, he’s only 21 feet away. He was in the gym. I didn’t look for him. For one thing, I was shy, and for another, I wanted to focus on my own workout. Entirely.

Later on I asked if he’s interested in hanging out, he said we could be “lifting buddy“. I didn’t know what to say cause I don’t like the idea. I don’t want to sound “cocky“ either, so I said “that’d be fun“ anyway. But after that I didn’t chat with him at all. I still couldn’t recognize him when I was in gym, but I guess it’d be better that way.

The idea of “lifting buddy“ really threw me out, because that usually means two people having the same workout routines: which day trains which body part. I’m not willing to just change my own workout schedules to train with someone else. Plus, I have my own pace, and I don’t want to rush or wait for other people to train together. I also want to just focus on myself, and don’t talk at all.

The other day there were two buddies working out together. They went to the same workout machines. One finished one set, and rest, and the other would do one set. These two did it in turn. In my rest between sets, looking at them, I felt I could never do that. I could never be the type of “bros“ who just chat and banter with each other at the gym, either.

It’s also true when I wanted to approach to someone else. I decided not to in the end, because I feel any small talk would be a distraction. It’s not I take the workouts too seriously (although at some level yes); I want to just enjoy myself.

Myself.

I can’t imagine working out with another person;

I can’t imagine living with another person;

I can’t imagine eating meals with another person;

I can’t imagine traveling with another person;

…

Am I getting more and more lonely? Regardless of my genetics and body condition, I feel bodybuilding is something I could do, because it’s mainly myself and interacting with others is not a big part of it. Training, eating, sleeping. Those are all the essential parts I need to do every day, repeatedly. I can’t do any of these with another person. Of course, occasionally I’d love to chat with friends, or dine out, but a long term commitment like a relationship… I really don’t know if I can do it.