System

I posted a selfie this morning when I was shopping at Target, saying I’m like a rich housewife who shops at Target on a Friday morning. It was joking obviously but, as I wandered around, I kinda hoped that there’s really a husband who’s working right now, and whom I can come home to. I love doing errands like this. Also laundry. And of course my favorite area of Target is their home section. Curtains, sheets, towels, pillows, mugs, flowers, decors, boxes, small furniture. I wish I do have my own apartment here in Chicago, not a temporary rental place.

I knew my current place is messy, so last week when I had a hookup come over, I told him my place is messy. He said it’s no problem. When he came to the bedroom we started making out right away, so he didn’t see the kitchen and dining area. After it’s finished, he wanted to take a look at this place, which is what I was worried about. He went to the kitchen.

“Are these trash?“ He pointed at the pile on a corner on the floor — egg whites boxes, pineapple chunk containers, egg cartons, piles of yoghurt tubs and lids, protein powder buckets. He was shocked.

My dishes happened to be stacked in the sink and not washed either. He didn’t say anything afterwards, but I can tell he was shocked. To be honest, I was shocked too. How did I become such a messy person? I loved to have people over my home, because I treat my home as a proud statement of the person I am. But since I came to this apartment, I hesitated. It’s not because I don’t like the apartment. Then what’s missing?

The word I’m looking for is system.

I actually never understand what a system is, specifically. Maybe a system is simply something that have different parts working as one. When I was living in my own apartment, I’d buy many storage boxes or baskets. I know what stuff goes where. Dirty socks, clean socks; dirty underwear, clean underwear. My medications and supplements. Clothes are hanged in the closet. My favorite books and CDs are always on the shelf. Mugs and bowls and spoons are always in their own place. It’s my own system of organizing things. I also never realized that I created my own system until today.

I thought living in this kind of nomad life would suit me, but apparently it drains me a little bit. I’m in an apartment without my own system, and the fact that I’ll leave in a few months makes it not worth it at all to invest such things. I bought a dopp kit, though, so I can put all my syringes, needles, and vials in it.

Now I just want to move to Hoboken as soon as possible, and really, start a new life there, and leave everything behind.