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I didn’t sleep very well these days, for no reason. I always woke up in the middle of night, went to the bathroom, and came back not being able to fall asleep again. There was a snowstorm from last night to this afternoon, and it lighted up the sky at night. Not in a good way, though. My room was so bright. Even if I had my sleep mask on, I could feel the light in my room.

While I was trying to sleep the other night, I kept thinking about my unfinished memoir, My LONELY TOWN. With my day-to-day work, somehow I just couldn’t sit down and finish it. There are also reasons as well: I mainly used it for something like writing a diary, and so of course once I graduated, there’s no need to write that again. Also, some of the chapters I found really embarrassing and somewhat childish. Or simply put, it’s just a lot of words, and even the thinking of managing, organizing, and arranging them gave me headache and made me restless. But somehow, I still kind of want to finish it, even if it’s just a bad book.

I also want to write other chapters of my life. My college years is one of them, and it’s at the top of my list. I still remember the day when I was packing my stuff from my dorm, and looked around, and for the first time realized that it had been four years and that time really does fly. I was thinking, maybe if I need to give it a name, I’ll call it “Golden“, or “Golden Years“. Those are the years when I grew up so fast — from a high school student who only knows studying hard and getting top scholarships, from someone who almost never got out of my city, or even my neighborhood, to someone who attended international conferences in the states and Sweden, and got successfully enrolled in the grad school in the states. That’s the time when I was hesitating between my own confidence and the uncertainty of the future. Now that I think about it, I think it’s more meaningful than the time I spent in Boulder, even thought I believe my time in Boulder has its own purpose in my life as well. The stories in my college years are like a brave boy who started chasing dream, while those in my Boulder years are more just like daily struggles of an adult life.

Maybe someday I’ll start writing about it, maybe this summer? But I don’t want to start a new project without finishing one.

It’s been snowing all day today. The light rail didn’t even run this morning and afternoon. I saw multiple workers were working hard to clean the snow. Now as I’m writing this, the color of the platform changes to black from white, and a light rail passed by. Some people were chasing it, just like every other normal day, like nothing happened this morning. I love everything went back to normal so quickly.

Snow Albums…

When it was snowing, I always listen to ZARD’s selection album 『ZARD BLEND II〜Leaf & Snow〜』. I still remember that day many years ago when there was a blizzard outside. I popped in the CD, and as the first song 「私だけ見つめて」 started, the acoustic guitar gave me the chill and that feel is something I could never forget. What’s funny is, that song has nothing to do with winter (lyrics-wise), but somehow was chosen as the opening song of that winter-themed album. At that moment I understood why.

Not many albums have very a strong vibe of winters, but today I also listened to GARNET CROW’s album 『I’m waiting 4 you』. In a winter night, I sometimes also listen to Mavis Fan’s 「潛意識」, speaking of nostalgia. Somehow I like it more than her famous winter song 「雪人」, which is actually included in the same album.

ZARD BLEND II ～Leaf & Snow～

ZARD, B-Gram RECORDS, 2001

I’m waiting 4 you

GARNET CROW, GIZA studio, 2004

好想談戀愛

范曉萱，福茂唱片，1996.