Doubt

Saw a saying in Hebrew: When there’s a doubt, there’s no doubt.

I went on a second date with Andrei yesterday. He was still the energetic person, and even more uplifted. We still held hands walking on the streets of New York City, and kissed each other, and leaned and caressed on each other. We also went to watch a movie, which is new for me, because I rarely do that. We then went to a Japanese restaurant, and had a very nice dinner.

I had a great time, a very happy time. Banters and jokes and teases, and everything. But I feel something is missing. We didn’t have serious conversation like last time.

I don’t know what he’s thinking, but it’s just small things like these keeping bugging me throughout the entire date. Before we met, I flirted with him, saying I want to wrestle with him and lock him down between my legs, and he replied he’d rather watch. During the movie, he reached out to my dick, and even for me my dick was semi-hard; but when I reached out to his, his dick did not feel hard at all. Was he just not aroused? I asked him if he wanted to come to my place and stay the night, and he said no, because he’s not prepared himself. I asked, you wanted to take it slow? He said yes. I might be overthinking, but I feel he just doesn’t want to have sex with me. Looking back, all the sexual arousal was on me during the dates, and he’s just an avid observer.

I’m also confused, because when we were texting he seemed very keen. He’d text, “can’t wait to see you“, or “just excited to see you“, or all those loving emojis. What does that mean, though?

I really wanted to have a conversation with him, and ask him if he’s taking the dating seriously. I know it’s too early to think about relationship, and that’s not what I’m asking. What I’m asking is the dating — is he taking the dating seriously and hoping best scenario where something comes out of it, or he’s just trying to meet a new friend to hang out with? I really want to know because it requires two different types of energy, and I’m tired of chasing the uncertainty.