Summer Session
I’ve been wanting to write for a quite long time, especially during the time when the infection on my shoulder was the worst and I couldn’t train for a whole week. During that week, I cried, I doubted, and I felt useless. I didn’t know what the purpose is anymore with all those bland food and eating schedule if my right arm couldn’t move again. During that time, I didn’t want to go out at all, because my body is what I’m most proud of, and now the shoulder looks disfigured because of the infection. I didn’t want to see anyone. Really, thanks to GARNET CROW’s 「Go For It」, I gained a little bit courage and hope to get through it.
Is God going to give me a summer session of relationship every summer around this time? The type of relationship that blooms and fades away quickly within weeks? On the same day, July 15th, I went on a date with Andrei. It was the same day I had my first date with Jonathan two years ago.
I know I jump to things quickly, easily charmed by love-bombers, and I don’t want to get hurt, or at least get hurt badly, again, so I found myself watching Matthew Hussey’s videos these days, trying to do my homework and not to fuck things up.
I have been reserved, and I noticed that I’m not jumping into things as quickly as before, so that’s a good thing. However, one thing I also noticed is my trust issues. Why didn’t I jump into things quickly this time? One of the reasons is because Andrei is a flight attendant. I don’t usually have problems with people’s jobs, but flight attendant is infamous for being very sexually active and prone to cheating. He’s a good looking guy, and he has 2,700+ followers on instagram. Thousands of followers plus being flight attendant, I think, is enough for me to be cautious.
But I also expect that this time the relationship might work, and maybe Andrei is different than those stereotyped flight attendants. If that’s the case, I don’t want my insecurity and suspicion to ruin this for me. I watched this video from Matthew Hussey (link), and I really love what he said about trust. For example, trust should be your standard, and who you are, not just because it’s comfortable.
Another example he said is, letting go is sexy. If they’re having a great time with friends, wish them the best, and do not let your own insecurity and overthinking get in the way.
Been listening to Mai Kuraki’s 「Simply Wonderful」. I love the lyrics about trust:
“疑えば 疑うほどに 深みにはまってく
誰よりも信じて 信じていなくちゃ 奇蹟はこない
I can see the magic in your eyes, I can feel the sunlight from your smile
Trusting each other is just simply wonderful”
